


Choices

by TheTimeTravellingHufflepuff



Series: 30 Days Of Shenko [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Game(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimeTravellingHufflepuff/pseuds/TheTimeTravellingHufflepuff
Summary: Once again, Shepard was at a crossroad.





	Choices

Once again, Shepard was at a crossroad. Once again, she had a choice to make which could, would, change the rest of her life. At least, this time nobody would die because of her choice. She hoped.

Since the end of the war, and the destruction of the Reapers, having to make a choice, any kind of choice - even trivial ones like deciding what to have at the restaurant - often resulted in a panic attack. To many of her choices had caused to death of people and she feared the consequences of any choice she had to make.

Having to choose between Ash and Kaidan on Virmire still haunted her. Well, Ash had made the choice for her, that day, really, but she still had been the superior officer, she could have prevented the Chief's death. And Kaidan would have died, which was... not something she wanted to imagine. Ever.

Choosing to help the Geth on Rannoch could have caused the annihilation of the quarians; could have destroyed Tali. She knew her friend would have never forgiven her. Hell, Tali would have probably her - or maybe herself - right there. And even if she didn't lose Tali that day, she still lost a friend she still lost Legion.

The biggest and most difficult choice of her life had obviously been the one on the Citadel, talking to the Catalyst. Control had never been an option to her, but knowing that any synthetic - that the Geth or EDI - would die if she chose the Destroy option made the Synthesis choice very appealing to her. Having the organics and synthetics becoming one had seemed a perfect compromise. Maybe too perfect to be real. So she chose to destroy. After all, she was so good at that; just ask the batarians.

And once again, she had to make a choice. Nothing as drastic as her last big one, but still nerve-wrecking.

Though she was now considered a galactic heroin, the brass Alliance still treated her like any other soldier - as it should be. So when the word about her fraternizing with another officer reached them - how they could know about it and still not knowing who that officer was was beyond her - they threatened her with a martial court if she didn't make a choice. Either she stopped the relationship or she left the Alliance.

And she couldn't choose. She loved Kaidan. More than she ever loved anyone. But the Alliance was her life since she was seventeen. Becoming a soldier was what saved her, authorized her to experiment something else than the streets. She didn't know how to do anything else, how to be anyone else. She was a soldier and she'd be one until she died or was old enough to retire.

Yet, she couldn't imagine her life without Kaidan. Not after everything they went through together. Especially not after nearly losing him twice; once on Mars, and again when the Normandy went AWOL for nearly eight months after the Crucible fired.

Laying on the floor of her small apartment, she was hyperventilating because of the impossible choice, chocking on her violent sobs, when Kaidan entered.

Immediately, he took her in his arms, trying to soothe her, whispering calmly in her ear.

 

"Shh... It's gonna be alright. I promise. We'll find a solution."

 

She believed him.


End file.
